Post your best joke

[unihorn]

An old blind man in a wheelchair applies for a job at a logging camp. Bossman says : what can you do? Crip says: I’m an expert wood sniffer.

Boss puts a piece of oak in front of crips nose. Crip says: it’s oak. Very strong. Excellent for support beams.

Boss puts a piece of pine under crips nose. Crip sniffs and says: Pine! Excellent for floors and cabinets!

Frustrated, boss man tells his wife to come over to the applicants wheelchair and lift her skirt right in his face.

Crip sniffs once, then more deeply.

Bossman says well?

Crip says, ok you got me. I don’t know what kind of wood it is.















But I’m certain it’d make an excellent shit house on a fishing boat 🤪

 

[Cube Jack]

Three NMSU astronomy students are planning an expedition to the sun. One day a UTEP student informs them that they'll burn up before even reaching the sun.

The students laugh at him and reply, "shows how much YOU know... we're traveling at night!"

 

[dementiajoe]

 

[LTMiner61]

Did you hear about the NMSU Aggie whose wife gave birth to twins? He wanted to know who the other man was.

 

[utep1966]

This is a long one, but one of my favorites.

​

A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.
’About 32,’ is the reply.’
‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.
The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ With a big smile, the woman replies, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’
Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street.
She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question.
The clerk responds, ‘Oh, I’d say 30.’
Again she proudly responds, ‘I’m 50, but thank you!’
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.
He replies, ‘Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.’
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, ‘What the hell, go ahead.’
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, ‘Okay, okay.....How old am I?’
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, ‘Madam, you are 50.’
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, ‘That was incredible, how could you tell?’
‘I was behind you at McDonalds’.

 

[Cube Jack]

Two NMSU students were driving to UTEP for a concert.

They passed a sign that said "UTEP LEFT"

So they turned around and drove home.